Ear Plugs
by moon-bunny15
Summary: After Raphael and Leonardo's fight they try to mend fences. Both feel at fault for what happened and both want to have a relationship with the other, if not just a friendship. As they start spending time together and talking they discover there is so much more to learn about themselves and their new relationship. Rating is T but potentially M for later. I still haven't decided.
1. Chapter 1

Leonardo was in the training room, his personal dojo at this time of day. He always awoke earlier than everyone to get more training in and have more time for meditation. A good leader always trained harder and worked for a level head. His training was drawing to a conclusion this morning, and was about to settle down to meditate as he went through his last set of sequences when he sensed someone in the doorway. Immediately he turned around in a fighting stance, ready to attack. "Damn Leo, even in your own home you're ready ta fight," came Raphael's voice, as he walked in. "Makes me wonder if ya see us as your enemies sometimes." Leonardo laughed uneasily. It hadn't been that long since Raphael had attacked him and been the cause of his capture. That of course was water under the bridge but it always astonished Leonardo to see just how much psychological trauma that had implanted in him. Everyone is capable of betrayal… even your own family.

He looked at Raphael, now a mere few feet from him. "What're you doing up so early Raph?" he asked as easily as he could. Raphael shuffled his feet and looked around the room, avoiding his glance.

"I don't know. Was kinda wonderin' if ya needed some company durin' yer meditation," he said stretching. Leonardo gave him a disbelieving look.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're always off by yerself made me wonder if ya wanted some company," Raphael said, still not looking at his brother. Leonardo nodded.

"Uhm, sure Raph. Yeah! That'd be great!" he smiled. He grabbed Raphael's shoulder, making the bashful hothead look at him. Leonardo's smile was so genuine it made Raphael blush.

"Ok, so ugh, let's get this show on the road..." Raphael cleared his throat. Leonardo smiled as he led his brother to the middle of the dojo. They sat down and Leonardo lit the candles. Ever since their fight on the rooftop he and Raphael have tried their best to work out their problems without violence and to clear the air as soon as possible. Leonardo knew that Raphael was sorry and he wanted to clear the air with his brother.

As they meditated, Leonardo snuck at peak at Raphael. His eyes were shut tight, almost too tight. His breathing was regulated, as if he was concentrating hard on breathing calmly. Beads of sweat began to form around his forehead and his muscles began to tense. Leonardo smiled tenderly at his brother, he was trying so hard to make things right. Leonardo knew it ate at Raphael whenever it crossed his mind, which is to say often. But Leonardo had forgiven him. He loved Raphael; loved him very dearly.

He reached out to grab Raphael's hands and placed them in his. Raphael's eyes popped open instantly and looked at Leonardo who had shut his eyes. "ugh, Leo?" Raphael asked.

"Ssh, you're too tense my brother. Please tell me. What is bothering you at this very moment?"

Raphael looked at Leonardo in a surprised and confused way. "Right now it's that you're holdin' hands wit me bro," he said in his thick Brooklyn accent. His accent always got thicker when he was feeling awkward or bashful. Leonardo opened one eye and smiled tenderly at him.

"Other than that smart ass," he closed his eye again and kept holding his hands. Raphael smiled awkwardly.

"I hurt you." Leonardo's smile vanished.

He opened his eyes and looked at Raphael. Raphael's gaze moved across the room until finally landing on Leonardo. He felt ashamed as those hazel brown eyes looked into his soul. He felt so vulnerable under Leonardo's watchful and piercing gaze. "I abandoned you," he replied, smiling tenderly at his hotheaded brother. "Please don't feel bad. It's alright Raph. Really."

Raphael took hold of his brother's hands and looked at him intensely. Suddenly Leo didn't feel very much in control of the situation and he slinked back from those watchful and piercing beautiful golden eyes. "I want us to be friends Leo. I don't want anything like before to evah happen again." Leonardo smiled at him.

"We are friends Raph. The best of friends," he nodded. He put his hands on his shoulders and gently squeezed. "I want us to be friends too Raphael."

Raphael nodded and smiled. "Good, den I guess we're in agreement huh?"

Leonardo chuckled. "Yes, we are. Is there anything else you wanna talk about?" Raphael shrugged and looked around a bit awkwardly. "Raph, we're friends. If we are going to be friends, I want us to be the kind of friends that can share secrets with each other and talk to each other when we feel lost or the need to talk," Raph nodded. "So, if ever you need to talk, I want to be there for you. And if I need to talk.."

"I'm here for ya bro. always. So… you got somethin' you wanna get off yer shell?" he smirked.

Leonardo smiled. Yes. "I'm good for now Raph."

They smiled and Leonardo put his hands in his lap again, as did Raphael. They closed their eyes and returned to their meditation. They breathed in unison and exhaled in unison. They zoned in on each other's energy and built their spiritual relationship together. With each breath they grew more and more aware of each other and their presence. Leonardo could sense the flex of Raphael's neck muscles. Raphael could sense his brother's heart beating and could swear he sensed his brother's lungs expanding. They sat there meditating and increasing their awareness of each other.

At first it was a bit awkward to walk in on Leonardo's training. Raphael felt like he was invading his brother's personal space and time. It felt almost like an intrusion on a sacred ritual he wasn't welcome in. But after sensing this Leonardo assured the red ninja that he was always welcome wherever he was present.

The early rising began as meditation exclusively but slowly became rising to train early as well. It was their brotherly time, alone and private. Nobody really knew that Raphael was waking up to train with Leonardo now; that is aside from Master Splinter. He walked in on one of their morning sparring sessions. It was early and they had just begun. For some reason that day they had decided to start training at 4:45 versus the usual 5:00. They were both up and both pumped. After some getting used to Raphael didn't even notice the time or lack of sleep… by four hours. It just became normal. That day Master Splinter walked in and was openly surprised at seeing Leonardo training with his brother.

"Leonardo, Raphael. I did not realize you were both training in here together." The two brothers looked at each other and Raphael shuffled awkwardly as their father looked at them both in surprise. There was nothing wrong with what they were doing but it had been their secret; having someone know about their morning training sessions, even if it was Master Splinter, was like having someone walk in while they were doing something much more intimate.

"Uh sorry Master Splinter," Raphael said, bowing. "We didn't realize you wanted ta train with Leo today. I'll go upstairs." He bowed to them both and made his way out of the dojo. Splinter noticed a somewhat hurt look come across both his sons' faces, as if he had interrupted something very special between them.

"No, Raphael. You will stay. I shall go. I am besides the one that interrupted this training session," he turned to leave.

"No Master, it's alright," Leonardo called as he walked to him.

"No, Leonardo. I rather you train with your brother. This way you two fight as one on the battlefield and know each other better," he looked at them both. "I am proud to see you two training together and working together. It gives great happiness to see you two getting along so well." He looked at them both lovingly. He knew something they didn't. "I will return to my room and meditate. I will see you both at breakfast." He turned and walked out.

They both looked at each other, feeling a bit bashful over the compliment that Master Splinter bestowed upon them. "Well wasn't that nice of Master Splinter," Leonardo said, retaking his stance.

"Yeah well he didn't havta do dat. I coulda gone back ta my room. Sides, it's been a while since I've slept well," he chuckled. Leonardo stopped and looked at him.

"Oh well if you don't want to wake up this early Raphael I understand. You don't have to," he said smiling, but it was a sad smile. Leonardo hated feeling that his brother didn't want to wake up and train with him out of love but out of obligation.

"No! Leo! I meant it wouldn't of been a big deal if you and Splinter trained today. I mean we train together everyday. It wouldn'ta been a big deal ya know?"

"Yeah," Leonardo said, still sounding a bit down. They resumed their training, but it wasn't the same. Raphael felt a sadness coming from his training partner and brother, and he didn't like it.

When they were meditating Raphael spoke up. They would usually talk over things that had been bothering them during this time. It was kind of their alone time to talk about whatever they wanted. "Leo, I didn't mean I don' t like trainin' with ya," Raphael said, not opening his eyes, but shutting them tighter. His mouth began to clench and unclench, Leonardo could see the distress his beloved brother was in. "Jus if Masta Splinter decided he wanted ta train with ya, I wasn't gonna stand in da way ya know?" his accent thickening. Leonardo looked at his brother with loving eyes. "I don't wancha thinkin' I don't like trainin' with ya. Cuz if I didn't I wouldn't have been up every day to train wicha and I do enjoy it and.." Leonardo cut his brother off as he took his hands. Raphael's fists tightened as Leonardo took them in his palms and looked at his smoldering golden eyes.

"Raph, it's ok. I get it. I'm sorry I was sensitive about it." He smiled at Raphael who blushed under the tender gaze and looked away. They resumed their positions and continued their meditation. But Leonardo spoke before they finished. "So, you don't have to wake up so early anymore if you don't want to," he started.

"Ok Leo, I get it. But I don't wanna. I wanna keep gettin' up to train wichu alright?" he chuckled. "Now can ya please stop talkin' and let me meditate?" he asked.

Leonardo smiled, "Well I wouldn't think that you would ever ask me to let you meditate my darling brother," he chuckled. Raphael cleared his throat but refused to open his eyes.

Breakfast came too soon for either of them. Mikey was up and cooking when Leonardo and Raphael came into the kitchen. They came in in close proximity of the other. "Dudes! You're up! Breakfast time!"

Raphael shrugged. "I'll eat cereal Mikey, thanks." He pulled the milk out of the fridge and Leonardo got him a bowl. "Thanks," he said. Mikey eyed them suspiciously.

"You two have been quiet. No fighting!" Mikey cried out smiling. Raphael shrugged and Leonardo just smiled. Master Splinter walked in.

"Good morning my sons! What a lovely morning is it not!" He went to sit at the table and nodded knowingly. The peace on his face was unmatched and Leonardo and Raphael looked at each other warmly.

"Whoa, Master Splinter you're in a good mood!" Michelangelo laughed, putting the platter of pancakes on the table. "Dig in bros!"

Everyone waited for Master Splinter to get his share and Leonardo and Donatello served themselves. When Michelangelo didn't serve himself they looked at him worryingly. "No breakfast Mikey?" Leonardo asked. "Are you feeling ok?"

"Sure am! This is my plate!" He pulled a plate out of the oven with pancakes piled so high they thought it would fall over.

"Of course. Count on Mikey ta get his giant servin'" Raphael laughed. "You gotta stop eatin' dat much Mikey or you'll get all flabby."

He chuckled. "No flab here bro!" Mikey cried, flexing his arms.

Donatello and Leonardo laughed a little. "It's amazing isn't it to be together as a family once more!" Splinter cried. Everyone nodded but only Raphael and Leonardo really understood what he meant by that. They knew he was referring to their new friendship and relationship that they were building.

That day Raphael and Leonardo decided to watch a movie together as well. Nobody said anything, since nobody really dared cross Raphael but that didn't mean much to the young joker! "Aww! Aren't you two a cute couple!" He laughed. Leonardo and Raphael suddenly became awkward with each other and

Raphael went into a rage. "Shaddup Mikey! Whado you know!" he stalked over to the young turtle in orange who simply feasted on his older brother's temper.

"I know you guys are super cute together. What's next? You gonna hold hands? Awwww!" Michelangelo ran as Raphael charged at his brother. They raced through the lair as Raphael nearly caught but missed him multiple times while Mikey sang "Raph and Leo kissin in a tree… f-u-" Raphael hit his brother so hard across the lair he fell silent on the floor.

"Raph!" Leonardo ran to Mikey and gently shook his younger brother.

He groaned painfully. "Wow, okay that was a little harder than I thought he'd hit me."

Leonardo stood up. "Raphael! What is the matter with you?!"

He stopped. He couldn't move. Master Splinter had said the same thing to him when he had fought with Leonardo and he had gotten upset. He looked down at Mikey and turned, running from the lair. Leonardo looked after his brother, hurt visible in his face. Michelangel woke up and stood. "He takes himself way too seriously," Mikey said. "Kinda like you Leo. You guys gotta have some fun." He hobbled over to the sofa and collapsed. Leonardo shook his head.

Donatello came out of his lab. "What's with all the commotion?" he asked.

"Mikey messing with raph, as usual," Leonardo said with a shrug. Donatello could see something was bothering the leader.

"Something wrong Leo?" Leonardo shrugged.

"Raph just left. He looked sad and angry at what I said." Leonardo shook his head disapprovingly, more at himself than anybody else.

Donatello smiled at Leonardo. "It's alright what you're feeling Leo," he said.

"Well yea. I mean I feel bad. I didn't want to upset him. I mean he's already upset enough as it is."

Donatello put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "I meant the other feeling," he whispered. Leonardo's eyes shot wide open and looked at his brother almost in fear. Donnie nodded knowingly. He touched his forehead to his brother's cheek and went back into the lab.


	2. Chapter 2

Leonardo went to his room after that. There was a fear he felt when Donatello smiled at him, as if he knew a secret Leonardo was trying to hide from him. But what secret could Leonardo be hiding? He put it out of his mind and began to mediate. _I have nothing to hide. I have nothing to fear._ He inhaled and exhaled but his mind drifted to Raphael. _I wonder where he went? Why did he get so mad? I didn't say anything rude to him._ Time went by and Leonardo lost track. A knock on the door interrupted his meditation. He turned and saw Donatello walking in.

"Hey Leo, I was just wondering if Raphael was back yet?" Leonardo's face stiffened.

"He's not back yet?" he asked. Donatello shook his head. "Has he called?"

"He left without his shell cell," Donatello explained. Leonardo nodded.

"I'll go out and find him," he said. He turned out the candle he had lit for his meditation and turned to leave.

"Leo, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You looked upset and I didn't mean to upset you," Donatello said.

Leoanrdo turned back to look at him. "That's alright Donnie. It's nothing really." Donatello gave him a sad smile.

"If you say so." And Leonardo left.

Finding Raphael wasn't very hard. Leoanrdo could sense his presence as soon as he turned a few tunnels out of the lair. He hadn't gone topside. He had decided to stay in the sewers for some reason. "Raphael!" Leonardo called. There was no response. He could sense his brother's breathing and could've sworn he heard his heart beat. "Raphael!" he didn't need to turn around to know he was behind him. "There you are. We've all been worried." He said turning to his red masked brother. Leonardo could sense a deep sadness coming from him and didn't exactly know what to do.

It was interesting how the confidence and comfort their morning meditations offered didn't quite translate to now, when things weren't as ok as he would like between himself and Raphael. "Wanna talk about it?" Leonardo asked. Raphael shrugged and Leonardo sat down on the sewer floor. He waited until Raphael followed suit.

"Did I hurt him bad?" Raphael asked his brother. "You seemed pretty mad. Sorry about that bro."

"That's alright my brother." They sat in silence more and Raphael could feel a question itching at Leonardo.

"Wanna spit it out Leo?"

"Why did you get so mad at me?" he asked finally. Raphael looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Whadda ya mean?" Raphael asked.

"You ran away," Leonardo explained. "and you looked so angry at me. I didn't think what I said was that bad. I'm just sorry it hurt you so much Raphael."

Raphael laughed at this. "Aw Leo, it wasn't that bro. Just, that's what Masta Splinter said to me when I came back to tell him about…" Raphael let the sentence trail off.

"Oh," Leonardo understood. "I'm sorry I used such a painful phrase for you. I didn't mean to I was just a little surprised when you attacked Mikey so harshly. I mean I know he's a goof ball but I didn't think it was as bad as to make him hobble."

Raphael nodded. He listened and tried to bite back all the comments that were naturally rising within him. He was still a fighter and didn't like that it seemed like Leonardo was talking down to him about something that really wasn't his fault. If Michelangelo had not been a tard this wouldn't have happened. But Raphael took deep breaths and calmed himself before he spoke. _Wow, this meditation thing really does work._ He chuckled inwardly. Leonardo could tell his brother was calming himself down and trying to speak with him instead of yell at him and fight.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have done that and I'll go and apologize to him when we get back the lair," Raphael smiled.

"Thank you Raphael." Leonardo said. "I know it took you some effort to speak calmly to me about this." He smiled lovingly at his brother. "I am sorry if it sounded like I was talking down to you," he explained. "I am just trying to be unbiased here and trying to look out for everyone in the family you know?"

Raphael nodded and stood up. "No problem. I understand that."

Leonardo chuckled. "Yeah I mean you are my favorite but I still have to look out for the goof ball." Raphael stopped. And before Leonardo could catch himself the words were out.

"Favorite huh?" Raphael asked. Leonardo blushed making his skin shine with a bit of pink. Raphael chuckled. _He looks cute… wait. What!_ Raphael maintained his composure and put the spotlight on Leonardo since he didn't seem to notice Raphael internally blushing.

"Let's just go," Leonardo quickly said hurrying in front of Raphael.

"Well, took you long enough since I was your favorite. Weren't ya gonna come for me?" Raphael asked teasingly. Leonardo was so consumed in his world he didn't hear the hint of teasing in Raphael's tone.

"What! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to take so long! Just I was meditating because Donnie said something and it wasn't until he went back into my room and told me you weren't back that I realized that you weren't back and not that I hadn't noticed before just I was giving you your space since you looked so upset and…" Leonardo was cut off by Raphael.

"Leo, calm down. I was just joking. That's fine. Thanks for givin' me my space for a bit," he said. Raphael put his hand on Leonardo's shoulder and moved slowly to his neck. His thumb caressed his jaw and he smiled warmly at him. "You did good bro." he said. Leonardo smiled back and before he could really think things through – again – gave Raphael a hug.

Raphael didn't know how to react. He stood there with his arms open and his heart beat raced. _What is going on with me!_ He slowly put his arms around Leonardo's shell and leaned in to return the hug.

Leonardo inhaled Raphael's scent and indulged in his warmth. He had never hugged his brother like this before. Not even as children did Leonardo and Raphael ever really hug. Now, it seemed like it was a poor decision. Raphael didn't seem to mind it either. Leonardo could feel himself blushing some more and slowly broke off his hug with Raphael. He looked up at him their faces inches apart and Leonardo's blush deepened. He quickly let go and walked toward the lair. Raphael stood there as he watched Leonardo walk briskly from him and he chuckled to himself softly.

He shoved Leo on the way, his very macho way of communicating his affection for his leader and they both knew it was ok. That this, at least, would be their secret.


	3. Chapter 3

When they got to the lair nobody was awake. They didn't realize how long they had been out not to mention the time Raphael was already away. It was dark and he could tell Mikey had just fallen asleep on the couch since he hadn't fallen over yet. Leonardo shook his head lovingly at his brother and turned to look at Raphael. "I'll tell 'im tomorrow. Goof ball seems to be sleepin'," he said turning to Leonardo. The leader smiled at his brother. He knew Raphael would go through with it and would apologize to Mikey. They both turned towards the stairs and Leonardo unconsciously followed Raphael up to his bedroom door. Raphael gave him a questioning look, puzzling Leonardo. He didn't quite understand what that look was for until he realized where he was. Leonardo's room was at the opposite end of the lair. "Oh, sorry. Ugh, yeah well I'll just be going to my room which is over there. Ahem, right," he turned on his heel but Raphael caught him. He squeezed Leonardo's hand and nodded to him. Leo's face looked at him in bewilderment and just before Raphael went into his bedroom he winked at his blushing leader.

"Night, Fearless." Leonardo's heart stopped. But he didn't get a chance to say anything to the hothead; his door was already shut.

Leo made his way back to his room glancing briefly around the lair. He looked at Mikey and his now horizontal form. He looked at Donnie's room and decided to make his brother a quick visit.  
Donatello was up and in the middle of an experiment it seemed. He turned to the door and was surprised to see Leo. "Leo, is something wrong? Did you not find Raphael?" he asked hurriedly.

"No, no. I found him," Leo responded. He began to shuffle his feet and look anxiously around the room. Donatello could see there was something bothering his leader.

"Anything you wanna talk about Leo?"

Fear gripped Leonardo's heart. He was losing his resolve. "Ugh no sorry I didn't mean to interrupt your experiment. Good night Donnie."

Leonardo turned to leave but Donatello held him back. "No, no. I wasn't doing anything besides this has to sit overnight," he lied. He hoped Leonardo couldn't catch the lie. Leo looked at him and finally nodded.

"Ok if you insist."

He sat down on one of the lab chairs and Donatello sat across from him.

Leonardo didn't know where to start and was nervous. He didn't even really know what it was he wanted to talk to him about to begin with. _What am I going to say? I don't even know what I'm thinking._ Donatello sensed this struggle inside him and started the conversation for him.

"So," Donatello began, "how was Raph when you found him?" Leo looked up at this statement.

"Raphael?" he asked. "He was fine; upset and feeling sorry but fine. Just needed some space is all, really. So I guess it's good I didn't follow him immediately. He needed some time to think." Donatello nodded listening. He could sense there was more.

"What did you mean earlier?" Leonardo asked. Donnie looked at him. "What did you mean? You know when you said that thing right when Raph left and you apologized to me before I went to get him, you know?"

Donatello realized what he was talking about and smiled." Yea ok I remember."

"Ok, what did you mean by that?"

"Just that it was ok if you were thinking about something else is all."

"Like what?" Leonardo asked. He didn't want to be the one to say it though he knew what was being talked about. He just couldn't say it out loud.

"That you like Raph a little more than friend," Donatello probed gently on. "Or even a brother."

Leonardo nodded. "Of course, I mean are much closer and actually hang out and have fun together now."

"He even gets up to train with you," Donatello continued.

Leonardo froze at this statement. _How did he know?_  
"I woke up once and saw you guys training together. That's when I first started seeing that your relationship had somehow changed a bit."

_Or a lot_, Leo thought.

"Right! Well, we're good friends now. And well I guess I really care about him and you know he's such a hot head and I think it's good we're getting closer and he can vent versus cause trouble and even Splinter is happy we're getting along now and we're not fighting and the team is in greater harmony you know? Unless Mikey decides to give Raphael crap about it and did I tell you Raph was really sorry about that? I did, didn't I? And anyways, he was sorry and even said he would apologize to Mikey which really surprised me but anyways and where was I?"

"And you have a bit of a crush on him?" Donatello finished for him. Leonardo caught his breath and gave him a frightened look. Donatello smiled at him and waited for Leo to continue speaking.

"That's crazy Donnie!" Leonardo said, chuckling nervously and somewhat maniacally. "We're brothers! And he's a guy and a hot head and bad tempered and angry and aggressive and did you see how he beat Mikey!" Leonardo shouted.

Donatello smiled. "We're technically not brothers, just raised together Leonardo. And there is just a thing as being homosexual. And didn't you say Raph had gotten a lot better about all those things?"

Leonardo looked lost and afraid. Donatello could see he was almost on the verge of hysteria. He stood up and walked to his leader, kneeling before him and grabbing his hands in both of his. "Leo, if you're not ready to talk about this it's alright. It's not wrong or dirty or weird, alright," he smiled at his now very vulnerable leader. His eyes shifted and he threw worried glances at the walls and door. Leonardo felt exposed; as if someone was about to walk in on this very strange and inappropriate conversation.

"Donatello, you're being very uhm," Leonardo didn't even know what to say.

"Leo, it's alright. We can stop talking about this, seriously – "

"He winked at me right now!" Leonardo blurted out.

Donatello got up and went back to his seat. "Ok, Leo. Well, that's somewhere to start out. How was it?" Leonardo took a deep breath and talked to Dontello about all that he had been thinking and happening between him and Raphael.


	4. Chapter 4

The conversation went deep into the night and early into dawn. Neither of them slept that night but kept talking and talking, almost repetitively, about Leonardo's new "problem". Leonardo kept trying to take back what he said. He kept trying to make it out that it was a joke that Raphael had told and was just joking around with him. Leonardo kept thinking about the hug and accidentally told Donatello amidst his ranting, promptly after trying to cover up that it was a dream, only making the situation a little worse. All night, Leonardo talked non-stop and finally there was a break through around 5:00 am.

"I think, I might kind of have a kind of crush on Raphael," Leonardo painfully said, exasperated and afraid. Donatello stood up and walked to Leo's slumping figure against the wall. His back was to Donatello and he hid his face in his hands. His head swayed from side to side like an animal slowly slipping into madness.

Donatello looked at his leader with pain in his heart and sadness. He was so distraught and afraid; the confusion he felt was more than even he could handle. Donatello's strong hand rested on the leader's tense and shaking shoulder. "Leo," Donatello almost crooned. His eyes were shut tight as he slowly turned towards his genius brother. "It's alright. It takes time to deal with this and it must be hard for you." Donatello hugged his brother close to him and led him to his bed.

"You're not disgusted by me Donatello?" Leonardo asked, looking away from his brother. "Aren't you afraid I'll develop such feelings towards you? Aren't you afraid of me?"

Donatello smiled at his leader. He put his hand on his arm. "Leo, I am not disgusted or afraid of you. I love you as my brother and leader." Leonardo turned to look at him slowly. "I am here for you to talk to because I know this must be difficult for you to deal with."

"How would you know Donatello?" Leonardo asked, absent mindedly. His thoughts were everywhere and nowhere all at once. _No, that's a lie, they're all with_—"Raphael!" Leonardo cried, jumping up off the chair. His head hit Donatello under the chin and they both stumbled over each other. Leonardo fell onto the back of the chair as Donatello fell onto his desk.

"Leo! Are you alright?"

"No! I'm late! Raphael is waiting for me to –"

"Donatello! Donatello!" came a voice from outside his lab door. It was Raphael. "Wake the fuck up Donnie! Leo's missin'!"

Leonardo and Donatello looked at each other, wondering what their excuse would be. They didn't have long to think though. Raphael pulled and beat at the door and soon, it gave way under his angry fists. Leonardo and Donatello awkwardly stood in the room together as Raphael gave them each a look of extreme confusion then elation. "Leo!" he cried, running to his brother. "You're alright bro!" He took his brother into his arms and held him close to his body. "Ya had me worried sick ya douchebag! What the fuck is yer problem! You couldn't jus lemme know we weren't trainin' today! Do you even think this through Leonardo!"

Donatello looked at Raphael with a soft smile and Leonardo looked at him in confusion and almost sadness. "I'm sorry I made you—"

"My sons, what is the problem?" Splinter came in asking. Everyone looked at him in surprise.

"Yo! Dudes! What's with all the ruckus!" came Mikey behind him.

Raphael didn't realize he had been so loud. "Sorry guys, ugh, I jus—"

"We were all just having a discussion about an experiment I was conducting. Ugh, in regards to the battle shell. We were talking about how to improve its, ugh, maneuverability," Donatello nodded. "We just played a trick on Raph and locked him out of the lab."

Leonardo and Raphael forced a chuckle and nodded. "Yea, sorry guys, you know how I get when someone plays a trick on me," Raphael laughed.

"I hear that bro!" Mikey said, a little nervous chuckle following his statement.

"Yeah, about dat Mikey. I'm sorry I attacked ya like that. I didn't mean ta. You just pissed me off is all."

Mikey laughed. "That's alright dude. I mean I'm alive so obviously it wasn't all that bad." He stretched and yawned. "Well I don't know about you bros but I'm goin' back to bed! This is too early for the Mikester to be up and running. I haven't gotten my beauty sleep!"

"You got dat right Mikey," Raphael joked, folding his arms in front of me.

Splinter looked at his sons as Mikey left. "Very well my sons. I also shall retire to my room. I have some meditation to catch up on."

With that, the lab was once again empty except for the three elder turtles. "Well I know you guys probably have something else to do aside from, you know, stand in my lab," Donatello smiled, sounding a bit too friendly. Raphael didn't look at him, ashamed at having been made the fool. He stalked out of the lab, leaving a startled and confused Leonardo behind. Donatello looked at him and smiled. "You know what to do Leo. I'll be here when you need to talk." With that, Leonardo jogged after Raphael.

Raphael was sitting in the middle of the dojo. His neck was tense and his veins visibly pulsating. There were beads of sweat trickling down his emerald green skin. Leonardo timidly entered the dojo. He could sense Raphael's tense and forced breathing. He swore he could feel his heart beating.

As he walked towards him he thought about how different things were now versus when they first started their morning training sessions together. Now, he felt as if he was intruding on Raphael. He sat before his brother and didn't say anything. Raphael didn't say anything either. He was still angry at the situation, and didn't want to insult his leader.

"I'm sorry Raphael," Leonardo said softly. Raphael took a deep breath and exhaled. "I didn't mean to make you worry like that," Leonardo continued. "I lost track of time. Before I knew it it was 5:00 am and I was about to leave when you got there. Honest." Leonardo felt as if he was pleading for Raphael's acceptance and love. _If this is hard, I can't imagine how hard it's gonna be when I tell him. If I ever will._ "Do you not want to talk to me brother?"

"Not dat Leo," Raphael said through clenched teeth. "I just don't wanna lose my head is all." Leonardo nodded knowingly, even though Raphael could not see him. "I don't mind what happened. I don't mind dat you were wit Donnie. I jus wish you woulda said somethin' to me last night ya know? So I wouldn'ta worried so much. I mean I woke up Masta Splinter for fuck's sake!" His voice began to raise and he stopped talking and forced his eyes tighter together. He felt as if his eyelids were about to rip in half.

"You didn't even let me say good night to you properly last night," Leonardo retorted before he could think. Raphael's eyes shot open and Leonardo knew it was too late to turn back. "You shut the door right after and didn't say one more word to me."

Raphael looked at him nodding. "Sorry Leo. Last night was pretty rough on me ya know? Maybe I was jus tired?" Raphael asked sarcastically. Leonardo scoffed.

"Yeah is that why you did what you did?" Raphael's hands turned into fists.

"What's dat supposed ta mean? I didn't need ya followin' me! And I already apologized ta Mikey for beatin' on him!"

"You know what I mean Raphael!" Leonardo continued.

"Spit it out Leo! What're you tryin' ta say!" Raphael got up, his stance wide and domineering.

"You're such a child! Why are you gonna make me say it huh Raph?"

"Get off your high horse Fearless! Spit it out!" Raphael's voice boomed in the lair. Leonardo knew Master Splinter, Donnie, and Mikey were all aware of their blow up. Leonardo looked down, afraid and angry at the situation. _Why did I bring it up? I could barely talk about this with Donatello! Much less Raphael! This is wrong! This is so wrong!_

Raphael saw his brother's distress and forced himself to calm down. He swallowed hard and took deep, loud breathes. He came up beside Leonardo and put his hand on his shell. Leonardo jumped at the physical contact with him. It was as if Raphael could read his mind and knew what he was thinking. By touching him, Leonardo felt it was an exposure of his suddenly confusing thoughts.

"I'm here Leo. Even if you drive me nuts. Even if you make me look like a dumbass and piss me off I'll always be here for you." Raphael embraced his brother from behind, his head resting on Leonardo's shell. He gently squeezed his leader and turned Leo to face him.

Leonardo would not meet Raphael's golden eyes but just closed his eyes and looked down. Raphael took another deep breath and forced a chuckle. "Hey, I know I ain't as pretty as you bro but come on. Gimme somethin' to work wit here." Leonardo shook his head gently and slowly opened his brown eyes to meet Raphael's conflicting gaze. Part of it was angry and the other part was somewhere between affection and frustration.

Raphael sat on the floor and motioned for Leonardo to do the same. Leonardo sat down and smiled at him. "How the tables have turned Raphael."

"Well I gotta do dis when you're bein' a hothead!" he chuckled. "Now, seriously Leo. Quit bein' mysterious and shit and just please tell me what is goin' on? Why were with Donnie? How long had you been with Donnie? Why'dya flake on trainin'? And what the FUCK is going on!"

Leonardo nodded. "You deserve an answer to all those questions Raph. You do. But I also have some questions. Will you answer them?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"Why did you uhm, ahem," Leonardo cleared his throat and he could feel a blush rising in face. Raphael's eyes turned quizzical and his expression confused. "You know, when I went to look for you. You know, ugh hug me like that?"

There was a slight flitter of emotion that passed over Raphael's face but was gone just as quick as it came. Leonardo didn't catch it. "Ok. What's da other question?"

Leonardo nodded. _This is going to get difficult enough, might as well not make it harder._ "Why did you, ahem, wink at me?"

Raphael's expression went blank and his breathing stopped.

Thank you for all your support! I hope you enjoy the read and I welcome feedback. I will try to update this story, as well as others, every 2 to 3 days max. If you guys have any requests, let me know! I welcome new writing ventures and I take any writing challenge head on! :) I also have an account on FictionPress under the same name.


	5. Chapter 5

Leonardo didn't move. He looked down at Raphael's lap and heard him catch a breath. Raphael's expression turned icy and he stood up. Leonardo sat there for a fraction of a second before he quickly stood up and walked up behind Raphael. He put his hand on the hot head's shell and was met by Raphael's fist to his face. The look Raphael gave Leonardo surpassed the look of hatred he had given Leonardo even all that time ago on the roof top. There was no love, no affection, not even anger in those golden orbs. They pierced through Leonardo's soul and crushed his title as a leader. Under those watchful and soulless eyes, he was not a brave leader or an older brother to respect and love, he was an equal and naked. Leonardo's secret was exposed and he was at Raphael's ruthless mercy and judgment.

The vulnerability Raphael saw in Leonardo knocked at the ice forming around his heart; ice out of fear and confusion. He wasn't ready for what Leonardo had said. He had hoped he would have a little more time. Now, seeing Leonardo so vulnerable and exposed, it gave Raphael's dark side joy and he wanted to smile and laugh at his pain. But the love Raphael had for his brother and beloved leader held him back. He was not going to hurt Leonardo this time. _He can take a punch. But I won't hurt him anymore._

Raphael turned, a solid mass of muscle and cold indifference, and walked out of the dojo and slipped out of the lair. Leonardo looked after him, still on the floor, unable to get up, and a lone tear fell from his eye. He felt sick. He wanted to throw up and cry and bleed. He wanted to take back what he said and did. But it was done and he was lost and confused. He had expected Raphael to blow up. He had expected Raphael to be angry and confused; even to deny such ludicrous and absurd allegations. But never, did Leonardo imagine he would get such a reaction as he just beheld. Fear gripped Leonardo's heart. _Has he disowned me as his brother?_

Unable to stand the pain and wretchedness Leonardo felt with himself, he sought solace in the only place he could at a time like the present. He went up to the door and rapped on the door softly. Leonardo almost didn't want him to hear, so he could go hide in his shame and disgrace. But ever the attentive one, the door opened, and Donatello took his brother in his arms and led him into his lab.

Raphael mechanically walked out of the lair and around the corner. He went to the same area he went to last time when he was upset with Leonardo. It wasn't that he didn't want to go topside. It was more the fact that he knew he was a little reckless when angry and didn't want to get into senseless trouble. _Damn, Leo's getting to me. Haha. I'm such a sap. I love Leo._

He turned to the wall and took a deep breath. His fists, slowly, started hitting the concrete building. Punch after punch; breath after breath. Raphael felt his skin cracking and his bones hurting. _I'm gonna have a nice scar after dis._ He punched the wall and little harder and a little faster, his breaths deepening and his exhales becoming louder. Water formed at Raphael's eyes and tears began to fall. Tears out of the pain he had caused Leo and anger at himself. _Dammit. Why couldn't I have been turned into a mutant with super strength? Damn this fucking weak flesh. Dammit all!_

Raphael's now profusely bleeding hands went to his face as he fell to the floor. Tears and gasps racked his body and his mind began to wander. He thought about what he did to Leo and guilt enveloped him. His sadness and fear began to affect him and paranoia trotted through his every thought. _He might not feel the same way after. He might not want to speak to me. He might disown me as his brother. _With that thought Raphael stood up and walked back towards the lair. _I'll show him! Disown me huh! I'll make him fight to do dat shit! Ain't no fucking way I'm rollin' over and callin' it quits! He'll have to fight me off and away from him to disown me and even then I'll come right fucking back! I'll show him to disown me!_ Raphael's mind thundered and stormed as he fumed his way back to the lair.

"What happened Leo?" Donnie asked softly. Leonardo sat in one chair as his brother pulled another up beside him. Donatello put his arm around Leonardo's shoulders, his body shaking and his breathing uneven. He nodded to himself, his eyes wide open and his hands fidgeting. Donnie sat quietly next to his confused leader and waited patiently for Leo to be ready. After their earlier conversation, Donatello knew Leonardo was open to talking to him.

It took Leonardo a few minutes before he finally spoke. His breathing regulated and his eyes watered. "I asked him why he winked at me," he said, almost as if he was holding his breath. Donatello nodded, even though he knew his brother was not looking at him. He wasn't sure if Leonardo was looking at much of anything really. "He left. He punched me in the face and left." He put his hands to his face and gripped his head with a force so fierce Donatello thought he would break his fingers. "Why did I do that Donnie? We were great. We were fine. Everything was fine and then I have to go and be stupid. I have to go and fuck things up. We were friends. We were affectionate towards each other!"

A river openly flowed from Leonardo's uncovered eyes and his smile was like that of a dying man reminiscing on his beautiful and perfect life. His eyes were distant and he looked at the wall before him, as if all the answers he was looking for were printed there. "Why did I have to mess it up Donnie?" His chin quivered and his hands shook more.

"Leo –"

"What if he disowned me as his brother?" Leonardo asked. The thought was there the entire time but speaking it out loud gave it a whole new dimension of reality and possibility. "He disowned me Donatello," he whispered frantically. "Donatello, I'm not his brother anymore."

Donnie could hear the hysteria rising in his leader's voice and he stood up in front of him. He grabbed Leonardo by the face and looked him in those brown eyes that were always so sure and confident. "Leo, you always tell us not to jump to conclusions. Now I am telling you to do the same. You must talk to Raphael to confirm these assumptions you are making. I am sure Raphael would not do something like that to you. If he was acting like you said he was," Donatello continued, seeing a calmness restore in Leonardo's face, "I dare say he loves you like you love him."

Leonardo nodded, taking in the words of his wise younger brother. "You think so?" Donatello nodded, putting his hand on his Leonardo's shoulder reassuringly. "Donnie, I have to ask you something."

"Anything Leo."

"How did you know?"

Donatello smiled sadly and sat down next to him. He took his face in his hands and looked deep into his brown, swollen eyes. "I loved you for a long time Leo."

Leonardo blinked and gasped. His eyes widened. "What?"

Raphael made his way into the lair as quietly as possible. It was still early and he didn't want to wake up Mikey again. He went over to Leo's room, his steps getting smaller and slower with each approaching foot. He fidgeted and cracked his knuckles and stared at the door once having arrived to his destination. He jumped in place slightly and loosened his wrists to make sure he didn't look tense and stressed. The blood on his hands had dried and crusted over. _I should wash this off before talkin' ta him. He might get all worried and shit._ Raphael took this opportunity to not deal with the issue at hand and scurried away to the restroom.

Donatello nodded at Leonardo. "I loved you for a very long time Leo. I just never told you."

"Why not?" asked a stunned Leonardo. Donnie gave him a skeptical look.

"Really Leo? You can barely deal with your feelings for Raphael and you're the strong willed one. I'm not. I couldn't deal with the possibility of rejection and the fear that you would not see me the same. I could not stand the thought of you hating me because I was in love with you."

Leonardo nodded. It finally hit him that it was better Donnie had not approached him because he didn't feel the same way towards Donatello. Leonardo loved Raphael and nothing could ever change that. It pained him to think that and the feeling of helplessness befell him once again. He had to tell Donatello that he didn't love him and that he was right. Leonardo felt like scum for hurting the one person who was helping him through this very difficult time. Donatello smiled knowingly at what transpired in his leader's mind.

"Don't worry Leo, I know you don't love me like that. I have known for quite some time," he smiled. Leonardo's eyes widened.

"How did you know I didn't love you?"

"Because I saw the way Raphael was with you. I saw the way you were always kind of looking at him and you thought it was just because of your difficult relationship at the time. But since I had already developed feelings for you I was pretty sure it was because you were in love with him. Like I loved you."

"I'm sorry Donatello," Leonardo whispered. His head fell in his hands and he went silent.

"Hey, don't worry about it Leo. I'm kind of crushing on Mikey now," Donatello said bashfully. Leonardo's head shot up.

"Mikey!" he smiled.

"Well don't say it any louder. I think the New Yorker's might not have heard you," Donatello said rolling his eyes.

Leonardo smiled and giggled. "Mikey? Really?"

"Hey, if you think it's funny I'm not gonna tell you anymore," Donatello pouted.

"No, no," Leonardo said, stifling giggled. "Seriously, though. Why Mikey?"

"I don't know Leo, why Raph?"

Leonardo looked at the floor and thought hard. _Why did I love Raphael but not my other brothers. We all looked pretty much the same. But that' s just it, isn't it? It's not about the look. It's about Raph being Raph._

Raphael scrubbed at his hands aggressively, curses streaming nonstop under his breath. "Damn Leo. Damn wall. Damn blood. Damn Mikey." Raphael scrubbed until blood came forth once again. "Dammit!" he cried softly. He looked around the restroom for some sort of bandages and bandaged his knuckles. Poorly done, but bandaged none the less. They looked a little less gruesome. Raphael looked down at his first aid handy work and nodded with content. "Cool, now, let's see what Leo's up to," he said to himself quietly.

He sauntered over to Leonardo's bedroom door and lingered there for a bit. He knocked at the door lightly, ignoring the bruising on his knuckles. There was no answer. He nodded to himself. _To be expected. He is obviously pissed at me so he doesn't answer when I knock. Alright, Leo. If you wanna do dis._ He cleared his throat and lightly beat his chest and took a deep breath.

"Hey, Leo. Guess you're still mad at me. Ugh, sorry I did what I did Leo. I wanna talk about it if it ain't too much trouble. Ugh, I would rather keep this conversation private, ugh if you don't mind? I don't want you know the whole damn world knowing my, ugh our, ugh, this shit – well not shit, this ugh – Hey Leo! I'm talkin' here! You say I ain't sensitive! I wouldn't leave you hangin' like this! I'm pouring my guts out here dude!" There was still silence from within. Raphael growled and his fits began to clench repetitively. "Hey Leo!" he said louder than he intended. He bit his tongue back. _Alright. We doin' this shit my way now!_ Raphael grabbed at the door and pried until it opened. He grunted and breathed as the door slowly gave way. _Dis shit's harder than Donnie's door. What the fuck!_

"Hey Leo, I would love to discuss this further, but I think you should go to your room now," Donatello said suddenly. Leonardo looked up at him, his heart shrinking in his chest.

"I'm sorry! Did I upset you Donnie?! Really, Don, I'm really sorry. I won't bring that up again if you –"

"Whoa! Whoa!" Donnie cried, holding his arms out to steady his hysterical leader. "It's not that Leo just I think you should go talk to Raph before he pops a blood vessel."

"What?!" Leonardo stood up and bolted towards the door. Outside, he saw Raphael trying to rip the door off its hinges. He smiled lovingly at his frustrated brother.

"He wants to talk to you I'm guessing," Donatello said in a teasing voice. Leonardo's breath caught and he gave Donnie a look of utter terror. "Calm down Leo, seriously. Look at him," he motioned towards the raging hot head, "he's back to his usual self so it's not bad." Leonardo smiled and gave Don a hug and a peck on the cheek. Donnie smiled. "Talk to you later. And I will tell you about myself too if you want." Leonardo threw him a thumbs up and made his way towards Raphael.

Leonardo's heart pounded in his chest and his breathing quickened. He approached the turtle easily from behind and he mentally chuckled at him. _Oh Raph, I keep telling you, you lose yourself when you're angry._ He could hear the curses he was spewing at the door and Leonardo for being a selfish bastard and making him go through something so humiliating and not wanting to confront him about it later. "Is that it Leo?! You turned into a pussy! I oughta—"

"Hi Raph," Leonardo said from behind.

"Fuck!" Raphael jumped in air, yelling a lot louder and a bit higher pitch than he would normally allow himself.

"Leo! Where the fuck did you come from!" Raphael cried, looking at him then at the door in complete confusion.

"Well I was with Donnie but I heard you beating up my helpless door," he said as they both looked at the door. It was a miracle it was still in one piece though extremely battered with entire chunks missing.

"Ugh, yeah I thought you were in there and were ignorin' me," Raphael said, rubbing his neck bashfully. A light pink hue came into his face and he coughed. Leonardo smiled up at him lovingly. Raphael saw this and felt very vulnerable. "What're you lookin' at!"

"Nothing Raphael. Nothing. So did you need something?" Leonardo asked as his tried his best to remain cool.

"Me?! You're the one who started all this!" he said matter of factly. Leonardo nodded.

"So.."

"You suck dick you know dat bro?" Raphael said, glaring at him through a rising blush. Leonardo was having too much fun with a conversation he did not know if he would like or not in the end. "You're gonna make me say it huh?"

Leonardo said nothing. _So this is why Donnie did it to me. It helps._

Raphael took a deep breath. "I wanted ta see, if ya wanted ta talk about what is going on between us right now." Leonardo smiled nodding. "Ya know, alone. In private. Not out here. In yer room. Or mine, I honestly don't give a shit, just wanna kinda get this show on the road and – wouldya stop grinnin' like dat!" Raphael cried.

Leonardo chuckled. "Come on in Raphael." He turned the door handle and lightly lifted the door and it opened. Raphael stood there with his mouth agape. "A trick I learned so I wouldn't lock myself out anymore," Leonardo said smiling. Raphael gave an exasperated sigh and walked in after Leo, closing the door behind them.

Donatello watched as they went in together and smiled, closing his door as well. One door did not close however. A wise old rat was watching from his room. He waited for a little while longer and slid his door softly shut. He sat down and meditated on what he might have just discovered.

* * *

Hello fellow TCESTers! :) I apologize for the late upload especially to Loving Leo. Thank you for the feedback and I hope you enjoy the read! Thank you for all your support and I will upload again soon! :)

If you guys have any requests, let me know! I welcome new writing ventures and I take any writing challenge head on! :) I also have an account on FictionPress under the name moonbunny15 if you want to read something not cartoon related. I am told my stories are very VERY different :)


	6. Chapter 6

_My sons. What must I do with this information fate has bestowed upon me?_

Leonardo and Raphael entered the room. Raphael awkwardly shuffled his feet and beat his arms together as Leonardo softly closed the door. He sat down on his bed and cleared his throat. Raphael continued beating his arms together and looking around awkwardly. The difference between his room and Leonardo's was staggering.

Raphael didn't have a bed, he had a nice hammock; fit for one. His clothes would hang off a nail on his wall and other than a makeshift chest in which he stored a few clothes he used when he had to go in disguise. Under the chest there were also some magazines of a most sensitive nature that nobody knew about. Raphael looked around and saw the neatly made bed with a desk and chest. There was a chair put there for the purpose of his studies. There was an altar with candles so he could meditate and a mat placed there for the purpose of his meditation.

Leonardo sat on his bed and looked up at Raphael. He waited as the nervous brother continued to survey Leonardo's room, unconsciously nodding almost in approval. _That's good. At least he approves of my room_, Leonardo smiled at himself and cleared his throat. Raphael seemed consumed in his own world and Leonardo smiled. "So, you wanted to talk?" Raphael nodded and cleared his throat, rubbing his neck.

"Ugh yea, so, ugh I been thinkin' 'bout wachu said and ugh, jus' wonderin' if ugh, ya wanted ta talk 'bout it and ugh you know . . ."

Leonardo nodded slowly. "Talk about what Raphael?"

Raphael's eyes sharpened in anger and frustration at Leonardo's tact of dancing around the topic. "What?!" Raphael exploded. "You fuckin' brought it up with that shit of why the fuck did you wink at me? And all that fuckin' bullshit! And ya know with all that other shit. And feelins and fuckin' stupid shit!"

Leonardo smiled slightly. "Feelings Raph?" Raphael yelled again and threw his fist as hard as he could against Leonardo's wall. His knuckles cracked at the impact and blood splashed onto the wall. Raphael felt his newly made wounds open once against and the passion flowed forth, the anger simmering and stabilizing as the bandages moistened. "Raphael!" Leonardo cried, as he jumped up. He ran to Raphael's side and grabbed his bleeding hand in his.

"Leave me alone," Raphael mumbled under his breath.

"No," Leonardo said stubbornly. He unbandaged Raphael's bleeding hand as the hothead fought against his brother's kindness.

"Yer just mockin' me Leo. I don't know why the fuck I came ta talk ta ya if ya were just gonna fuckin' make fun o'me," Raphael said, looking at the wall. He liked being tended by his brother but did not want to show him that fact, especially right now that he was trying to be angry at him. The more Leonardo held him and looked upon him with concern, the harder it was for him.

"I'm not mocking you Raphael. I just didn't know what was going to happen since you left so angry - what did you do!" Leonardo cried. Raphael's hand was swollen and there was black and blue to be seen under the exposed flesh.

"Nothin' man just had a little boxin' match," Raphael shrugged. He held his head higher and pushed out his chin a bit in a kind of bravado and touch guy act, showing Leo he was as tough as him.

"With what Raphael?! The wall!" Raphael shrugged. Leonardo gave an exasperated sigh and took a small napkin from his desk. He dabbed Raphael's wound and shook his head disapprovingly. "Why did you do that?"

"I was mad ok? What's it to ya?" Raphael asked, failing to pull his hand away again.

"It means a lot to me Raphael! I don't like it when you hurt yourself! I don't like it when you're angry or sad," Leonardo cried, almost in exasperation. He dropped Raphael's hand as his hands flew in front of him, gesturing desperately to show Raphael his frustration. "I don't like it when we are in a disagreement and I was not mocking you! Just so you know!" Raphael looked at his brother a little confused and anxious. He didn't mean to upset Leonardo when he was coming to make up for the fact that he had punched Leo in the face. "I just didn't know what you had to say! I knew what I wanted you to say! I knew what I wanted to tell you! But no! Just you really should consider how this makes me feel sometimes you know?"

Raphael nodded dumbly. "So wachu tryin' ta say?" Raphael asked quietly.

"Isn't it obvious?" Leonardo asked.

"What if it ain't bro?"

"Then we have no business moving forward," Leonardo sighed sadly. _I put myself out there once already I'm going to do it again. he doesn't want to say it and I feel vulnerable enough as is. I can't do this again for him to punch me in the face and leave me wondering again. dammit! Maybe I hurt his feelings and he was going to suggest we get together! No! Oh my god! Raphael! What have I done!_

Leonardo began to shake and his breathing quickened. Raphael immediately noticed the change in Leonardo's person and went to his brother. He could feel the quickened heart pace and his anxiousness. Raphael's dismissive attitude turned into concern and he went to Leonardo. He put his hand on Leo's shell and gently rubbed it. The leader tensed under Raphael's unusually gentle touch and his eyes darted from one side of the room to the other.

"Leo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean ta piss ya off. I jus wanted to talk ta ya and tell ya that I feel da same way," he said to his brother's shell. "I know I didn't do it right and I usually mess things up but ugh jus' wanted ta tell ya." He turned to leave Leonardo.

"Really?" Leonardo whispered as if to himself. Raphael smiled, and smirked simultaneously, at his brother's almost disbelief.

"Of course."

Leonardo turned slowly to his brother, his eyes timid. He was still afraid of Raphael's reaction, not used to Raphael being understanding about something so unlike him. Raphael was the epitome of manly bravado – Raphael was made tough, built tough, and sweat tough – for him to accept something considered not manly was foreign to Leonardo and fear gripped his heart, despite Raphael's acceptance of his feelings.

Raphael approached his brother and took him in his arms. Leonardo froze and his heart raced. Raphael could feel Leonardo's breathing begin to relax. Leonardo's arms timidly left his side and wrapped around Raphael's neck. He inhaled his brother's musky scent. There was something very inviting and warm in his scent. Leonardo felt his brother's muscles tense as he tightened his grip around his shell. Raphael's face rested in the nook of Leonardo's shell and shoulder.

There was a moment that passed between the two ninjas that surpassed any previous bond they had formed. The boundaries between leader and follower; brother and brother; and gender became completely blurred when they both embraced. For a single moment they were one functioning unit. They breathed in unison and they both swore their hearts beat in unison. Everything was right.

They came out of their embrace and looked at each other. Rapahel's smirk adorned his beautiful green face and Leonardo bashfully looked down. A deep red blush danced across his cheeks and under his eyes. Raphael gruffly chuckled at how cute his dear older brother looked being not in control and in such a vulnerable position. Leonardo cleared his throat and tried to pull away but Raphael's strong arms kept him in place. "Whoa, whoa. Easy there Fearless. Where ya goin'? I jus' gotcha hear and ya already wanna go?" He chuckled softly and played with Leonardo's chin.

"Raphael, please, you ugh—"

"Ya know Leo, you ain't as tough and levelheaded as you always look bro," he chuckled. Leonardo tried to glare at him and resume his status and demeanor of a leader but failed. Raphael stood before him as the dominant counterpart and completely in control.

"Raphael, you have to –"

"No, no Fearless," Raphael chuckled, "there is no 'I have ta' there's here and now." Raphael leaned into Leonardo and Leonardo tensed. For a second he thought Raphael was going to kiss him. His eyes widened and a gasp caught in his throat making a small squeak of a noise. Raphael chuckled some more and put his face down on his shoulder again. "Don't worry Leo, I ain't gonna do anything too quick. I'll wait and we'll take dis slow to make sure shit doesn't go down." He hugged his leader close to him and smiled, "Way to go. I don't think I woulda had the guts ta come out to ya. You always do take control of da situation."

Leonardo smiled and leaned on his brother. "Would you like to sit down Raphael?" Raphael smiled and nodded.

They moved to Leonardo's bed and sat down side by side. Leonardo awkwardly looked around the room and Raphael leaned back. He grabbed Leonardo and placed him between his legs. Leonardo tensed and slowly relaxed leaning onto Raphael's muscular plastron. "We can't stay here long but I would like to enjoy it," Leonardo smiled. He closed his eyes and snuggled into Raphael's body.

* * *

Ok guys! I hope you are all doing well! I apologize for my temporary hiatus! I was quitting my other job, got a new job, and if anybody knows what Texas summers are like, my AC decided to go kaput so had to deal with my apartment being 90 degress! I am back and hope to start re-uploading regularly!

Thank you for all of you who favorite my story and I appreciate your support! I am debating uploading a TMNT story I wrote years ago with an OC but I am a little leery of that. I shall decide that by the end of this story! I hope you enjoy the read and enjoy! :) Love you guys! 3

Akane, I did not mean to disregard your review in my last upload I just did not know how to refer to you! XD As dense as that sounds.


	7. Chapter 7

Mikey awoke at his usual hour and began to cook breakfast. The eggs and flour seemed to weigh a hundred pounds as Michaelangelo slowly woke up and regained his full strength. "These bros and their drama wakin' me up so early. Cutting into Mikey's beauty sleep!" Michaelangelo mumbled to himself. He put the pan on the stove and took the beater out of the cabinet. Master Splinter made his way into the kitchen and grabbed a tea pot. "Hey Master! No, I got it. Don't worry about it," he took the pot from Master Splinter and filled it with water. He set it on the stove top and looked at him. "How did you sleep Master? I mean, aside from being woken up by Raphael's crazy screaming," he smiled.

Master Splinter nodded. "I slept well my son. How did you rest?"

"Well, I had this dream!" Mikey said, throwing his arms up in the air. He then commenced telling Master Splinter his dream in a very animated fashion, his voice rising as the dream was reaching its climax. Master Splinter did his best to pay his youngest son the attention he deserved but found himself thinking back the new discovery he had made about his two oldest sons.

_Does Michaelangelo also have such feelings for one of his brothers? How will this affect the team when in battle? How will this affect our family?_ Master Splinter worried for the stability of his family seeing as how the two oldest were the ones that usually caused the drama. Michaelangelo, as much of a prankster as he was, did not have any real resentment or anger towards anybody in the team, as did Donatello. It was Raphael and Leonardo that seemed to have the closest and most unstable relationship. Now that Master Splinter new about their newfound feelings for each other, he worried their relationship would become even more unstable and threaten the entire family nucleus.

"And then there were anchovies! And the pizza monster was tearing them off himself and making me eat them! His cheese ropes were too tight and Master Splinter!" he was yelling. "I had to eat the anchovies! It was horrible!" Michaelangelo looked genuinely disturbed at his dream recount. Master Splinter smiled warmly at the very innocent troubles that perturbed young Michaelangelo's mind.

"That does sound like quite the fantastic dream Michaelangelo. Perhaps you should not play so many video games," Master Splinter counseled.

Mikey laughed. "Oh Master, it's clear what the real problem here was," he said matter-of-factly. Master Splinter nodded waiting for his son to enlighten him with his theory. "It was because Raph was yellin' at all hours of the night and disturbed my beauty sleep! His evil voice wormed its way into my head and implanted anchovies on my beloved pizza and turned him into an evil slice of diabolical cheesy goodness!" Michaleangelo folded his arms over his chest and nodded solemnly, as if his conclusion was reached through pure logic and reasoning.

"My son, does it not smell like something is burning?" Master Splinter asked, sniffing the air and turning to the stovetop.

Michaelangelo gave a squeal of distress as he made his rushed to the stove and turned off the pan he had set to make the pancakes. He dropped some butter in the pan and watched as smoke rose in a cloud and filled the kitchen. "Michaelangelo, it seems you have caused quite the stir," Master Splinter said as Donatello joined the two in the kitchen.

"Mikey! What's burning?" Donatello asked, as he observed the smoke slowly swallow Master Splinter's head.

"Nothin' dude! Just the drama with Raphael totally messed me up and now even my cooking is whack! That's some serious level of wrong here. Making me mess up something as sacred as our food," he said, lightly coughing as he inhaled the smoke.

He took the milk from the fridge and began preparing the cake batter as the butter simmered and melted into the pan. "Better move a little faster Mikey. I don't think that butter will last much longer if you don't—"

Donatello was stopped midsentence as Michaelangelo poured some batter onto the pan. "Like a boss Donatello! In yo face!" he cried, raising the spatula high like a sword after a victory. "How dare you doubt my mad cooking skills!"

Donatello smiled and chuckled. "Well I guess that solves that problem," he said, taking a seat next to Master Splinter. "Good morning Master Splinter, how are you this morning? Sorry about last night or actually, this morning. We didn't mean to wake you up sensei."

"Yo! What about me! You interrupted my beauty reset!" Michaelangelo chimed in as he flipped the pancake. He smiled hungrily at the pancake in his pan and laughed maniacally.

"Well I am sorry for interrupting your deeper than dead sleep Michaelangelo. How could you ever forgive me?"

"I'm sure I'll think something up," he giggled. Michaelangelo looked at Donatello with a grin that spread from ear to ear and his breathing quickened a bit. Donatello eyed Michaelangelo a bit uneasily and chuckled lightly.

"Can I help you Mikey?" Donatello asked, extending his hand. Michaelangelo seemed to snap out of it and turned his attention back to his pancake.

Donatello shook his head and turned back to Master Splinter. "So sensei, what were you going to say?"

Master Splinter shook his head lightly. "Nothing my son. I slept well despite the unexpected wake up this morning. I had to wake up and do my meditation anyways." Donatello nodded and smiled. _Did Master Splinter hear and see what went on after they left the lab?_ Donatello did not betray his thoughts on his face and kept a smile as his master continued speaking. "I hope Raphael calmed down after finding his brother," Master Splinter continued. Donatello nodded and said nothing. "I noticed Raphael and Leonardo did not have their morning training today. I hope they are doing well."

Donatello began to fidget slightly as Master Splinter was getting a little too close for comfort. He did not know what to say if he should ask what they were doing. Donatello smiled and nodded. "I believe so Master Splinter," he said dismissively. _Where the hell are you guys?_ Donatello thought anxiously. As if on cue, Leonardo and Raphael walked in at the same time.

"Yo! Sleepy heads! Of course the two turtles that caused all the chaos this morning are the ones that got to sleep in! Now, do tell me how that is fair in the slightest bit!" Michaelangelo cried as he served up another pancake and poured fresh patter in the pan.

"Ya know what Mikey? You really should have Donnie take a look atcha since you one ugly turtle!" Raphael said, grabbing his cereal and reaching for his plate.

"Well maybe I will," Michaelangelo said, winking a little. Donatello laughed uneasily and gave Leonardo an anxious glance. _Did Leonardo decide to share what I shared with him with our dear sensitive hot head?_

"Good morning Master Splinter," Leonardo said, bowing to his sensei and father. "I apologize for the ruckus this morning sensei. I did not mean for it wake you up."

Master Splinter nodded. "Yea, sensei," Raphael chimed in. "I'm sorry I was yellin' and bein' loud. I didn't mean ta wake you up."

"That is alright my sons. I had meditation to do anyways. You did not bother me at all," he said, looking from one son to the next. "I noticed you did not partake in your usual morning training. I hope you are both feeling well."

The two turtles looked at each other and Donatello looked at Mikey, glad to be out of that line of fire. Raphael cleared his throat loudly and Leonardo automatically assumed full control of the situation, although underneath that faux confident exterior he was trembling in fear of his father's judgment.

"Yes, sensei, we're fine. Just discussing what the miscommunication was and talking over what happened last night with Mikey and all. I try to keep my team in check and I like to work through disagreements and misunderstandings together to better solidify our bond and help us when we are in battle," Leonardo aimlessly explained. The leader was shocked at the amount of garbage that spewed from his usually truthful mouth and felt a great shame in lying to his father. He felt dishonorable and Raphael sensed the feelings of guilt.

Master Splinter eyed his son with a compassionate and understanding gaze. He knew he was nervous about talking to him about something so intimate and therefore let his lie slide. _When my son is ready to discuss this matter with me, he will come to me. For now, he must still believe it is his and Raphael's secret._ "I am glad Leonardo. You are going to be a great leader indeed," Master Splinter said. "Your brothers are lucky to have such a caring and honorable being to guide them wisely into battle."

Leonardo chuckled uncomfortably and nodded. "Of course sensei."

Raphael sat down beside an empty chair, hoping Leonardo would sit next to him. The leader made his way next to his hot head brother and sat, looking to Mikey as a distraction as he came to the table with their breakfast. Raphael quietly and stealthily moved his foot to touch Leonardo's in an attempt to comfort his brother. Leoanrdo smiled inwardly at Raphael's act of kindness and Raphael could sense Leo feeling better.

He gruffed in a manly fashion, as if telling Leo he was there for him. Leonardo chuckled lightly, showing his appreciation. Master Splinter noticed this subtle communication and smiled lovingly at his two sons. "Alright guys! Breakfast is served!" Michaelangelo cried as he set the pancakes on the table.

Master Splinter looked around at his family and thought that maybe it wasn't so bad that they were a couple. He hoped that this new development would strengthen their bond and at stability to the family. "To family," Master Splinter said.

"To family," the four brothers repeated in unison. Raphael and Leonardo looked at each other. Donatello looked at them and Michaelangelo. And Master Splinter looked at all four of them and breakfast began.


	8. Chapter 8

After breakfast that fateful day, they did their best to avoid each other. Neither wanted to draw attention to themselves but both longed to be with each other. There were so many questions to be asked; so many answers to be heard. They longed to open up to each other but fear still gripped their fragile hearts. Raphael's gruff exterior hid a soft beating muscle that was now exposed. It was exposed to the world; to Leo; even to his family, it felt and no amount of armor, training, or insults could ever change that.

Leonardo was out and vulnerable as well. His status as a leader, he feared, would be challenged. _A fearless leader doesn't love another man, much less his brother. A leader keeps himself in check_, he scolded himself internally. He sat meditating in the middle of the living room. Despite himself he could not bear to lose sight of Raphael for one moment. There was a deep battle of love and hate taking place in the crevices of his heart and he could not deny that Raphael was at least his guilty pleasure, if not something much more.

He caught of glimpse of the hot head in the lair. He was off to the side doing his regular set of pushups, one of many throughout the day. Butterflies invaded his stomach and Leonardo's pulse raced. _A fearless leader_, he gasped in his head, _doesn't melt at the sight of Raphael working out_. He could see each muscle flex and each bead of sweat trickle down his green and muscular body. His thick neck tensed as his eyes dripped venom in concentration. He pushed himself to his physical limit and further. Though Raphael had perfect form in everything physical – with the exception of some martial arts when he was in a bad mood – he kept his sai against his forearms; his blades keeping him in check and enforcing his perfect form. Leonardo doubted there was a more beautiful sight than this. He watched as Raphael's chest slowly heaved with his controlled and steady breathing. His jaw clenched ever so slightly and he could hear the soft grunts as he made his abs tighter and fought to perfect his flawless body.

Leonardo watched in wonder at his brother's physical perfection. The thought that this beautiful specimen of a turtle cared about Leo the way he cared for him took the leader's breath away. And suddenly, without a warning, Leonardo felt something in his lower region hurting. At first it was barely enough to tell and was able to easily be ignored. But soon it became much more prominent. Leonardo looked down at himself and to his horror saw a lump forming under his plastron. The erection only grew more as Raphael's work out became more intense and his grunts became louder. Leonardo could hear Raphael's breaths and gasps and that only pumped more energy into the now unstoppable member.

Leonardo's hands quickly flew down between his legs as he sprung from his sitting area. He made his way as nonchalantly as possible to his room but nothing got passed the young one.

"Yo! Leo!" Mikey called, looking away from his video game. "You ok? You just started running to your room?"

Leonardo laughed uneasily at having been caught by Michelangelo of all people. _Of course! The one time he looks away from his game!_ "No, no Mikey! I'm fine. Just have to get something from my room is all." Michelangelo had stood up now and made his way towards Leonardo.

"Dude, you don't look good. You ok? Why you grabbin' your stomach?"

"Is Leo ok?" came a gruff voice.

"I'm fine guys! Just leave me alone!" he said as he shut the door to his room.

Michelangelo and Raphael lingered outside the door until Raph turned to Mikey. "You heard 'im Mikey, get lost!" Raphael said, waving the younger turtle away.

"Well! Excuse me for caring! I'll just get back to my game where I'm WANTED!" he cried over dramatically.

Raphael rolled his eyes and gently rapped on the door to his leader's room. "Yo Leo, you ok? Can I come in?" Raphael asked.

"I'm fine Raph, really," Leonardo said from the inside. His erection had dropped and he was now sitting on his bed, poking his hard member.

"Leo, you sure? Can you please just open the door?" Raphael said as gently as he could. He softly tugged on the door.

"Leave me alone Raph. Go away," Leonardo said in a stern voice. His leader persona now took over and he stood facing the door in a wide and domineering stance. Though nobody was there to see it, it gave him that extra bit of confidence that his erection took away.

Raphael slinked back from the door, a wince visible on face, only to himself. He said nothing and turned to go to his room.

Leonardo didn't know if he was there or not but by the silence he heard on the other side of the door he figured Raphael had left. Leonardo let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and looked down at his predicament. He sat at his altar and began to meditate.

Master Splinter had observed all that had been happening through a small crack in his screen door. He sat there observing the happenings with an objective and detached eye. He knew what had happened to Leonardo and seeing Raphael he knew why it happened. Splinter felt uneasy that Leonardo had hurt Raphael. Few people ever got Raphael to show that he had been hurt and Master Splinter saw pain in Raphael's face as he left Leonardo's door. _My sons, what do I do to help you?_ He shut the door softy and returned to his meditation.

After Leonardo dealt with his little predicament the way only Leonardo would think to handle it, he slipped out his room softly and looked around. Michelangelo was asleep on the couch and lunch was still a ways away. He didn't hear much movement but he could see a shadow moving from under Donatello's lap.

As stealthily as he could, Leonardo made his way to his brother's lab. He was about to knock on the door when the door opened of its own accord. Leonardo jumped back, "Donnie?"

Donatello laughed and waved him in. "You know, you're not the only ninja around here." Leonardo laughed lightly and sat down on one of the lab chairs. "How are you? I heard you had a little incident."

Leonardo chuckled awkwardly. "Yea, that's actually what I came to talk to you about?" he asked. He was still nervous to talk to anybody about something he had fought hard to repress. He gently thumped at his plastron and looked around the room. "So, Donnie you're kind of a doctor right?"

Donatello put down the dish he had in his hands and gave Leonardo a puzzled look. "Well I don't know Leo, depends. What are you sick from?" Donatello looked at him with a puzzled look and walked closer to him.

"Well, I mean. How do you deal with uhm," Leonardo cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. _Wow, Raphael does this_, he smiled to himself. His mind made his way back to the perfect sight of Raphael doing his pushups and he again felt a small pain beginning to form in his lower region. His eyes bulged open and his hands flew to cover himself. He got up and tried to make his way to the door as quickly as possible. "Well, Donnie, I'd love to stay and chat but I have to -" Donatello beat him to the door and barred his way out. Leonardo stood in front of Donatello covering his genital region and all too quickly Donatello knew what Leo was going to talk to him about.

"No, what did you want to talk to me about?" Donatello asked with a wry look on his face.

'Uhm, nothing Donatello, really. I just have to go-"

"Leo, uncover yourself," Donatello ordered. Leonardo was taken aback by the authority and command that befell his usually nerdy brother. "Leonardo," he said sternly when he saw his command was not being obeyed. Leonardo gulped down, his face to the floor, and removed his hands, exposing his bulging lower region. "Ok, now what did you want to talk to me about?"

Raphael lay in his hammock, glaring up at the ceiling, his leg kicking the wall and giving him a little swing. "What the fuck got into Leo anyways?" he glared. His breathing quickened and his body started getting hot again as he thought of how rude Leonardo was to him. "Here I thought we were something more special than someone to tell to fuck off," Raphael said bitterly. He hit the wall with the side of his fist. "Fuck it, not like I give two shits about him anyways," he lied to himself. "And who the fuck am I talkin' to!" he cried. His hands flew over his eyes and he let out a shaky gasp. "What the fuck is going on," he whispered.

"Well, Donatello, uhm, you see.." Leonardo was not sure how to continue this very awkward conversation. "I just wanted to know how you, uhm, dealt with these, uhm," Leonardo put his palm to his forhead as he thought of the right word, "oh, predicaments, or if you ever even had to deal with these kinds of situations? And if so I was wondering how you dealt with them." Leonardo nodded, trying to keep himself from blushing at the topic.

Donatello gave Leonardo a look of disbelief. "So, you're asking me, Leo, what I do when I get an erection, aroused, or have the need to sexually relieve myself?" Leonardo nodded with an excitement he felt embarrassed to admit to.

"Yes! I was just wondering how you managed to deal with these, uhm, urges, I supposed you can call them," Leonardo smiled.

Donatello smiled, "Let's start with how you deal with them, shall we?" Leonardo's face went serious and nodded.

"Well, I usually meditate to suppress these sexual urges. A leader cannot be weakened by falling prey to sexual weaknesses you know," Leonardo nodded in affirmation.

Donatello looked at his brother with a loving and almost sad smile. _You want to be a good leader so badly you deny yourself something so natural. Oh, Leo…_ "Ok, well, the way I do things," Donatello started. Leonardo looked up at his genius brother attentatively, as if he was going to reveal to him the deepest secret of the unknown universe. _Donnie must have a sure fire way to deal with these bothersome and distracting feelings of lust,_ Leonardo cheered in his head. "Now, remember Leo, we all have different ways of dealing with these sexual urges," Donatello cautioned, Leonardo nodded solemnly. "But what _I_ do, is what you call masturbation," he smiled. Leonardo stared at him, not really believing what Donatello just said.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Leonardo asked.

"You heard me Leo, masturbate," Donatello nodded, sitting back in the empty lab chair he'd made his towards.

"Really?" Leonardo asked, slightly disappointed.

"Leo, really. It's normal. It's fine to deal with these urges because then they get all pent up and that makes for some serious sexual frustration. Not to mention it makes you healthier," Donatello smiled. Leonardo looked at him in disbelief. "Yes Leo, men that masturbate have healthier sperm than men that don't. It's a scientific fact," Donatello smiled. "Leo, it's alright. It's not a crime or dirty. Everyone does it. Both men and women alike."

Leonardo sighed in defeat. "Very well Donnie. I guess I can give it a shot and see how it goes." Donatello smiled.

"Don't worry bro, you'll like it. Trust me," he winked at him. Leonardo felt a shiver go through him and Donatello smiled. "I'm just messing with you Leo. I just had to add that wink because it was just too perfect. Seriously though. I think you'll feel a lot better afterwards." Donatello put a hand on Leonardo's shoulder and smiled at him.

"So anyways, how have you been Donatello?" Leonardo asked, changing the subject rather abruptly.

"Well, my experiments have been going rather well, thank you for asking," Donatello nodded, going back to his lab table. "But you know I am having some trouble with this specimen-" Donatello looked up at Leonardo and it instantly hit him that Leonardo meant on the Michelangelo front. "Oh! You meant with Mikey?" Leonardo nodded. And suddenly Donatello's face twitched, as if remembering something very important. "Which reminds me! Leonardo!" he cried. Leonardo's hands went instantly to his side and he sat at attention. _What could Donnie be so mad about?_ He thought to himself. "Did you tell Raphael about my feelings for Mikey?"

Leonardo looked up at Donatello with a look of confusion. "Of course not. Why would I?" Leonardo asked.

Donatello nodded. "Oh, ok, just wondering."

"What's going on? Did Raphael say something?"

"No," Donatello shrugged, "I was just wondering because of a comment he made at breakfast earlier today. It made it seem like he knew and was just giving me a hard time about it."

Leonardo nodded. "Right, well, no he doesn't know. And besides, he can't give you a hard time. Look at him with me! that would be very hypocritical of him!" Leonardo nodded affirmatively.

"Well true, but I don't think that would stop him from making fun of me if he really wanted," Donatello reasoned. "I'm not saying he's a hypocrite so don't misunderstand me," Donatello quickly added before hurting his brother's feelings. "I'm just saying if he wanted to really make fun of me, he would do so with or without logical reason."

Leonardo was about to say something but nodded. "No, you're right Donnie, Raph can be pretty hot headed sometimes." Leonardo smiled internally at the thought of Raphael. "Anyways, so about you and Mikey . . ."

Donatello nodded. "Yes, yes. I will tell you when I first started liking him." Donatello sighed and sat down once again. "Well, I don't really know if I can pinpoint exactly when but I did start noticing him much more right after you left," Donatello said. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything ok, I'm just saying," Donatello quickly followed up, seeing a slight wince appear on his brother's face.

"Anyways, he started really stepping up and being very caring and very aware of the surroundings and everyone's feelings, you know? He really showed a side of him that I never saw before. He was mature and got a job and even though it was a silly job, he was working and trying to contribute to the family, you know? Not to mention cooking for us and making sure that I was ok," Donatello continued.

"You know, he would come into my lab at nights and make sure I was resting. He would say, 'You know Donnie, you really should sleep now. It's late.' And he would leave it at that and come back an hour later to tell me again. He even came into the lab one time and when I had passed out," Donatello jumped up and went to the far corner of his lab, "so, back then I had a cot right here and had passed out in some odd position, I don't remember if I was standing or slouched on my desk," Donatello thumped his head trying to remember. Leonardo rarely saw Donnie get so animated over anything other than science and even then it wasn't like this.

He seemed to have a spring in his step as he showed Leonardo where the cot used to be and his arms suddenly had too much energy in them to keep them steady it seemed. His mind seemed to be working even faster than usual and his mouth could not keep up. He really could not say what he wanted to say fast enough!

"Anyways, so he actually picked me up and carried me to my cot, went to his room and got me a pillow and covered me up," Donatello said. He was by the cot area after demonstrating how Michelangelo had carried him. He looked down smiling at the thought. "He's really sweet Leo. And he's funny and a prankster and so carefree and happy and giving," Donatello nodded at all of his statements as if Leonardo was not believing him. "You know?" Donatello asked, a smile wide across his face.

"You really care about him, don't you?" Leonardo asked. Donatello smiled and sat down again.

"I do Leo."

"Are you going to tell him?" Leonardo asked.

"Well, I don't know. I mean I don't want to scare him and make him nervous and awkward around me. It's not as if I'm going to rape him or violate him in the middle of the night." Leonardo nodded. "And he's so carefree, I really would rather not add any stress to his stress-free life since a relationship of this nature would definitely stress him out a bit. I mean look at us! We're the older ones and we're having a hard time. I can't imagine what this would do to MIkey's carefree attitude." Donatello sighed. "I don't know what I would do without that laugh and smile that so easily comes across his face."

"True, the problems of a relationship," Leonardo nodded. Donatello cocked his eye.

"Relationship, huh Leo?" he smiled. "You and Raph are that official already?"

Leonardo suddenly became bashful. "No, but I mean, we're working on it," he said, rubbing the back of his neck lightly.

"He's already rubbed off on you," Donatello observed.

"Right," he smiled. He looked at Donatello and thought back to Raphael. _I haven't really talked to him since this morning,_ he pondered thoughtfully. _I think I'm going to see what he's up to_. "I guess I should be going now Donnie. I'm gonna go check on Raph." Leonardo stood up and touched Donatello gently on the shoulder. "Thank you for being here for me Donnie. Means a lot to me."

Donatello lay his own hand on Leonardo's shoulder. "I'm always here for you bro. and seriously," Donatello started. Leonardo nodded, as if for him to continue. "You should masturbate."

Leonardo's face blew up in a sea of red and with that made his exit and went to check on Raphael.

Donatello smiled as Leonardo left and went back to his lab table. He went to his computer and pulled up a picture he had of Michelangelo, tucked away in the deep recesses of his hard drive. He smiled at the picture longingly and he started to feel a small pain between his legs. "The mind truly is the most powerful muscle," he said to himself smiling.

Leonardo made his way across the lair to Raphael's room. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the restroom and suddenly thought about what Donatello said. He put the thought out of his mind and made his way to Raphael's room. _I don't even have the urge to right now anyways,_ he thought to himself.

He came upon Raphael's door and was not surprisingly shut. He knocked on the door gently and when no response came called to Raphael. "Uhm, Raphael, it's Leonardo," he said a bit awkwardly. "I was just wondering if I could maybe come in for a second." Still there was no response and he wondered if Raphael had in fact left the lair. Leonardo tried to open the door but found that it was shut. _Raph is in there. Why is he ignoring me?_ Leonardo thought sadly. "Raphael," Leonardo said, a little more sternly.

"Go away Leo," came a deep husky voice from the inside.

"Raphael, are you ok?" Leonardo asked, suddenly concerned.

"Leave me alone."

"No, I won't," Leonardo said stubbornly. "Open this door." He tried his best to keep his voice down since everyone in the lair was awake and if they caused a stir up everybody would know. He commenced to bang on the door harder, letting Raphael know he was not going to give up so easily. Leonardo put his weight against the door and leaned into it as hard as he could trying his best to budge it open. But on the other side, an angry muscular turtle had already gotten up and made his way to the door. _Dammit! I'm so weak! Even after he's a dick I open the door for him. Fuck me!_

Leonardo suddenly felt himself fall forward and land against something hard. He looked up and saw it was Raphael's chest he had fallen onto. "Raphael!" Leonardo cried, flustered and embarrassed. _I never lose my balance or my cool and of course the one day I do I land on Raphael's chest_, he mentally slapped himself.

"What do you want?" Raphael said sternly. He put Leo away from his body and stood back. His stance was wide and his hands were in fists. He was angry and was ready for anything Leo had to throw at him.

"I just wanted to talk to you," Leonardo said bashfully.

"Well talk den," Raphael crossed his arms over his chest and glared at him. Leonardo felt hurt and betrayed that Raphael was acting like this with him.

"What's wrong?" Leonardo asked.

"I don't know Leo. You tell me," he gruffed.

"What's with this attitude?!" Leonardo cried exasperated. "I thought we were past this and here we are again! You're letting your temper get the better of you… _again_! Why are you so angry?!" Leonardo's face fell into his hands.

"Get off yer high horse Leo," Raphael hissed between his clenched jaw. "You were the one dat started dis shit. Now ya wanna pawn off yer fuck up on me. Well lemme tell ya somethin' Fearless, it ain't happenin' today." Raphael pushed past Leonardo, heading towards the door.

Leonardo could not believe he was just going leave and not deal with the problem at hand. He reached for Raphael's arm. "Lemme go," he growled.

"No, what did I do Raph! I did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment!"

Raphael turned on Leo so fast and with such power, Leonardo's arm caught and pulled. "You told me to fuck off earlier today!" Leonardo gave Raphael a look of genuine confusion. "You went to yer room an' dis whole stink was bein' made about it since you were feelin' sick of some shit like dat. I honestly don't fuckin' know since when I tried ta see how you were you told me to leave you alone!" Leonardo remembered and suddenly he felt ashamed. Leonardo had not taken Raphael's feelings into consideration when he acted like he did.

"Raph, I'm so-"

"An' not once Fearless, but twice! Just fuck me, right! Pardon me for giving two shits aboutchu!"

"Raphael, I'm so sorry," Leonardo said softly. Raphael's face was still angry and Leonardo knew he was still hurt. "I wasn't feeling sick."

"So, why'd ya yell at me ta fuck off den?" Raphael asked exasperated.

"Well, uhm, I would rather not say," Leonardo shuffled his feet, staring at the floor.

"Aint' good enough today Leo. See ya later."

Raphael stormed out of the room and was out of the lair before it registered to Leo to go after him. He stood there in Raphael's room, looking down. He was hurt and angry at himself for making Raphael feel that way.

_I never wanted to hurt Raphael of all people. I just don't know what to tell him. But should I have secrets like this from my potential partner? I mean Donatello did say it was normal_. Leonardo looked up and surveyed his brother's room.

Aside from a few pieces of clothing hanging from the wall and a crude chest, there was really nothing else in his room. The hammock hung mid waist to Leonardo and he could not help himself. He went over and touched it. His ran against the soft material that nightly caressed his brother's muscular body. The flat pillow that lay in the hammock was crushed and the indention of Raphael's head could still be seen in it. Leonardo gently touched it. A warm smile spread across his face and he picked it up. He closed his eyes and hugged the pillow to his chest, inhaling the scent that lingered from his brother's head. he smiled and a deep sadness came over him. _What have I done?_ He thought sadly. _I have to go and make things right with Raphael_. Leonardo opened his eyes and went to set the pillow down when he caught site of something.

There was a mask lying in his hammock and Leonardo slowly picked it up. He turned it in his hand and a realization befell him. _I must go find Raphael!_ With that, he flew out the door and into the sewers.

* * *

Hello fellow TCESTers! :) I apologize for the long hiatus! :( I was dealing with some personal problems but am happy to say will for sure be uploading MUCH more regularly.

Thank you for the feedback and I hope you enjoy the read! Thank you for all your support and I will upload again soon! :)

If you guys have any requests, let me know! I welcome new writing ventures and I take any writing challenge head on! :) So seriously, any requests! Let me know! :)


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